Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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