I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
