i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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