i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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