I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
