the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
