hotel room ftw
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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