I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
