Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
