Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
