If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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