I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it glows. i had to have it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
