Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
