You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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