Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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