hell yes lets make some ravioli
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
