the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
