someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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