Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize