Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
