im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Randomize
