You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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