you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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