the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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