my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
