I think i peed on brittanys purse
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
