I want to stick my p in your. b.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
