i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
