Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
