Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
