we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
