Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
