Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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