Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
