I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
