Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
