I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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