so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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