I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
