Banned from zoo.
Again?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
