Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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