Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
