woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
