I'm really into asian looking animals
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
