Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
