ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
