im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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