I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
