Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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