I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
