the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
