I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
