Whatcha textin bout Willis?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize