There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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