Will you blow on my dice?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
