The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
