i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
