I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
