Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you will always have a special place in my vag
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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