there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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