She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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