His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
