I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
