my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
