so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Your dad touched me again.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
