i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
