can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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