All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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