ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
