You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
