DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
