mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
