break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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