i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
