What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Randomize
