I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
