OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
as a side note pls kill me
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
