Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
