I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
