those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
