WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
