Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
