grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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