is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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