we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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